What's the Right Way to Say Goodbye?
Being six weeks out from our move feels a lot more real than being three months out. I imagine at two weeks out, sleep will completely abandon me. We've finally finished all the projects we wanted to complete before we leave the house, so we can also start looking ahead to the projects and life that awaits us in Vermont. In fact, Boris and I are leaving for Vermont tomorrow for three nights, to do some work on the house and try to plan out the new kitchen.
In order to distract myself from feeling too sad about all that we're leaving behind, I'm trying to think ahead to all the new exciting opportunities waiting for us and how much fun the kids will have out in the country. I really am excited to see them become little hikers, help us build their playhouse and of course watch them play with their cousins. When I say goodbye to my Chicago friends, instead of reflecting on how much I'll miss them, I like to focus on how soon we'll be back to visit or how fun it will be to have them out to our new house.
I would say Boris is spending a little more mental energy on what and who he'll miss here. Occasionally I accuse him of being a debbie downer. I also sometimes argue that he's robbing himself of the excitement surrounding us at this time, but there is a small part of me that thinks his way of preparing (and mourning) might be slightly healthier than my approach and that by allowing himself to be sad now he won't get the wind knocked out of him the first time Vermont disappoints.
My fear for myself is that the first really cold week, or the first time J really misses her friends here, or the first time I get frustrated about having no coffee shop (like the one I'm sitting in now) in town, if I haven't really pumped myself up about all the exciting newness, my sadness about leaving Chicago will just come crashing down on me and I'll doubt every decision that has led me to that cold, remote farmhouse (that's how I'll be thinking of it when I'm really in the pits). So right now I'm trying to sell myself on a pretty sweet life coming down the pike.
I'm always trying to teach my kids to "feel their feelings" but sometimes that's really inconvenient, confusing and even a little scary (even for a grown-up kid like myself). Somehow, though, I have to learn how to hold two completely opposite emotions in my hands and give them both a little attention.